Wanderling❁

old habit

 

---

I have been all

of his wildest dreams,

he has kept me safe

in all of mine

and perhaps I've allowed

from time to time,

your poison under my skin

but from this moment on

you are too small a figment

to be remembered

or forgotten,

dreaming, or awake

---

 

under the sky

 

 

---

"... it had to be the moment

under the sky

torn, my skin

pushed me and

I began ..." 

---

 

the woman who made love to death

 

---

eyes still closed, it was morning

when I rolled over to reach for you

but grasped only air

and later, when you still had not reappeared

my phone buzzed, angrily

I sat listening to a faraway voice

telling me, they had found

your body three days earlier

somewhere in the snow

and the rest, I couldn't hear

the memory of our pounding hearts

from the night before, too loud in my ears

and I swore, it was more real

than my own flesh and blood

but now I am standing, ghostly

before the mirror of my confusion

curiously tracing with my fingers

the black and purple bruises

on my neck

with a fatal mistrust in memory

the woman who made love to death

---

 

blue heartfire

 

 

---

she, the forest, gazed

skyward, searching

for him, her lover, lightning

hoping to be struck

but first, praying she has learned

the right way to burn

---

 

photo: view of Eagle Peak from Brasstown Bald, Georgia, july 2018

into memory

 

 

--- 

wildly secret, this feeling

standing barefoot on the mountain

making love to her shades

of green with my touch -

it is my skin, my heart, uttering

my essence pleading to her softly

hello, beautiful

please remember me

& don't let it escape,

this freedom we share

then I saw, the sky shift

the one that moves to follow me

and the ground,

I know, hears me from far away

when I kick off my shoes

pressing my skin to her again

she feels, she loves

even when I stand on the edge

of my own afflictions

miles from the quiet

she feels, she loves

hello, beautiful

I remember you

---

 

photo: Blood Mountain wilderness, july 2018

topaz

 

 

---

we stood, watching patterns of tranquility

distant peaks in meditation, between

a gentle dance of sky & water

together, apart

my silence, speaking to you

my soul, forced into shadow

the place I learned to call home

when you turned away from me

remember,

we only have so many chances

to stand resolute on this earth

holding hands

---

 

 photo: Topaz Lake, Nevada, june 2018

seeking self: insignificance ❁

 

 

---

 

Lack of happiness is founded on the false belief that we exist at the center of all things.

 

My head aches when I sit for too long thinking about my cosmic insignificance. I can feel the universe in motion around me, indifferent and chaotic, falling apart in some places and expanding carelessly in others. Thoughts about the purpose and strangeness of human existence, and the invisible nature of our species' higher consciousness - "Why am I here? What is the point? Am I chasing the correct purpose? Have I found the meaning of life?" - they just become a lot of noise in my head, and I have to stop before I unhinge.

 

But why do I always choose to contemplate the universe's unanswered mysteries from the context of myself?

 

I am a speck. Like you. And together, we glitter. But apart, who are we? Happy accidents. Born into high consciousness on a strange floating orb in the middle of darkness. Does this scare me? Absolutely. But why shouldn't it? I am not capable of enduring, or meant to endure, all things. I am not the center of the universe. But I find a way to be happy because I focus on the beautiful, instead of the decay, and I accept the direction in which everything else falls and fails. I'm lucky just to watch the show, every moonrise & summer sky.

 

---

- faren rebecca rajkumar

gravity

 

---

why am I drawn

to the ones who look like a storm

sound like a split in the earth

feel like a dying landscape

and a fist around my heart

why am I drawn

to the ones who initiate chaos

but can't seem to let go

---

 

cataclysm

 

---

people don't smile at one

another, the way we used to

and true love is dead

like God, like spring flowers

that never emerged from

underneath bitter winter snow

I look around, and

it's the end of the world

so dance with me

though you kiss like a stranger

I'll forget for a moment

that you are one

if you'll cure my fear of fire

and sway with me slowly

while everything falls,

while everything burns

---

 

I, rambling

 

 

---

I am caught in a nowhere place, between a previous life and the one that awaits, but always flooding this space with peace.

I hunger for new views, new sensations, new connections, and wandering in the love & luminosity of the raw & tender unknown.

I will never allow life to pass by outside my window while I sit, unseeing and unaware.

I am not more deserving of a remarkable life than any other living being, and nothing belongs to me.

I am in awe of the striking beauty of the simple, and the value of all earthly things in the face of inevitable death.

I protect & prioritize my body & my heart, the houses of my soul.

I have positivity, light, & kindness to spare, and sharing what I know & feel gives my existence meaning.

I maintain openness of mind and willingness to learn, to sacrifice, and to lessen the suffering of souls.

I can love deep and reach high without attachment, and mountain-like, be unaffected by the sorrows of time, loss, and disappointment.

I recognize ek ong kar and my shakti - growing, flowering, changing everyday.

---