Wanderling❁

This week's words

 

 

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identity: the made up titles and names we give ourselves, characters in a story that hardly anyone will read. but what is important or permanent in a tumbling universe, except energy potential and stardust? maybe not even the stars... how terrifying and freeing, to know that we can view our perfect, biologically packaged bundle of matter through any lens, at any time. ever-changing, and every-insignificant from moment to moment. we are tasked with only making the most of the gift that it is TO BE.

I love to see myself this way: out of focus, partially concealed, shadowy & secretive. I believe that is the true nature of the soul, never fully realized or attributed to a specific purpose or identity. just something alive floating in this space, and floating away one day soon. reminds of one of my favorite timeless songs by Kansas:

 

"I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
all my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity
dust in the wind
all they are is dust in the wind

 

same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
all we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
dust in the wind
all we are is dust in the wind

now, don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
it slips away
and all your money won't another minute buy
dust in the wind

all we are is dust in the wind
all we are is dust in the wind..."

 

 

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- lyrics by Kansas, Dust in the Wind, Point of Know Return (1977)

This week's words

 

 

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the music of Blanco White changed my life about two years ago. I've always been talented at creating emotion + meaning from nothing, but when I began "soul searching" at the edge of oceans on a regular basis, his words and voice would often echo in my head, manifesting revelations about the simplicity of our mortal human condition. beautiful lyrics, honoring mother earth's symbols and making me feel rightfully small.

we laugh and cry because we can, but what is there except emptiness pulsing between existence? our joys and our sorrows: they are all an invention of the mind. sitting alone on the beach, I would weep at my folly and shame. how my runaway heart gets carried away with every thrill and every sadness, and I struggle to find solid ground again. and then all would grow quiet. peace was somewhere closer.

at times I felt I could die on a dark beach and it would have been alright. and maybe it still would be. how blessed to have been alive.

this solemn song reminds me now, as I sit on stranger shores alone, of who I am, who I have been, and who I might become. everything, and yet, nothing at all.

 

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"Cold light of the stars the same
A flag drew a line in the wind
If I was awake there's a world that I left
Never far behind
From the time that I spent on the Arctic ice

 

One moon has a name
Only one to a dream evolved
And in the night she's ashamed
Tell her drive through a darkened sea
Below, beyond the world
How deep does the water go?

 

Cold trail of the last descent
Across held a sign in the wind
And time fell away
With the sound of each step
If the stars align then
For us they were meant in the lunar sky

 

That moon has a name
In the fires of a silver corpse
And on the ice I'm afraid
Of the drop through a darkened sea
Below, beyond the world
How deep does the water go?"

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- music and lyrics by Blanco White, Nocturne, Nocturne EP, (2018)

this week's words

 

 

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sadness is the drug I consume as it consumes me. I am the sky looking down through my own bodily windows, searching for color and finding shadow. I am above and below, within and without, craving self-love and tasting dust. so of course Billie Eilish speaks to my soul with this song.

 

 

 

"it's not true
tell me I've been lied to
crying isn't like you

what the hell did I do?
never been the type to
let someone see right through

maybe won't you take it back
say you were trying to make me laugh
and nothing has to change today
you didn't mean to say "I love you"
I love you and I don't want to

 

up all night on another red eye
I wish we never learned to fly

maybe we should just try
to tell ourselves a good lie
I didn't mean to make you cry..."

 

 

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- music and lyrics by Billie Eilish, i love you, When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go (2019)

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British-Indian poetess Nikita Gill is a heroine of mine, though she doesn't often rely on nature imagery in her work. But in this lovely, sad & sweet poem she reminds us beautifully of the true source of our potential, and the undeniable unity of all earth energy, within and out. I've never seen this famous Pando Aspen Grove, but I can picture the speckled yellow trees laid before the familiar rocky backdrop of Utah and the clear blue skies, and it's a vision quivering with color and life. No wonder it's also called "the trembling giant".

Read it slow, and search again for the strength that has always been there. 

 

 

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I've lost count, the number of times I've been asked to read this poem by William Carlos Williams, and reflect via some critical analysis. It just happened again. I fear I've run out of things to say. But poetess Mary Oliver, in her poetry handbook, says it perfectly. "The Red Wheelbarrow", arguably the most (or least?) minimalist poem in American history, is over-read. But it still holds secrets. Of course, Oliver's opinion of it makes sense only if you read the poem first:

 

" so much depends

upon

a red wheel

barrow

glazed with rain

water

beside the white

chickens "

 

Just like that, it's over. The poem abandons you. But Oliver says:

 

"If there is any single poem that might serve as a 'text' for a discussion of free verse... this eight-line poem has passed through endless scrutiny, and still it refuses to give up all its secrets.

What does its apparent simplicity mean? Perhaps that for this writer a poem is not a matter of some serious predetermined subject, but of concentrated focus and attention upon an "ordinary" simple subject - a mere scene - then, through the elevation of art, the scene is lifted into the realm of something quite extraordinary and memorable."

 

The ordinary becomes extraordinary. Embracing the beauty in small, simple things. Amen.

 

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- Mary Oliver, "A Poetry Handbook", (1994)

This week's words

 

Enraptured with the simple beauty and uplifting vibrations this lovely poetess from London is casting into the world. Charley Noda is a writer, traveler, artist, and creator of Project LYF (Love Yourself First), a new little instagram movement promoting positivity and light within. Let's support contemporary artists, show them love and spread their words. Her post for today is truly glorious:

 

 

" everything you want
is already here on earth
just waiting for you to find it 
your energy is the key 
feel as though 
you already are everything 
you wish to be 
focus 
and then act accordingly
believe in your heart 
and your soul 
that you are capable of anything 
you wish to be 
because darling 
you already are ☼ "

 

- Charley Noda, via Instagram (august 11, 2018)

This week's words

 

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Rediscovered this sweet sinister song and as I'm cry-singing the lyrics, I'm unsure who I'm screaming at. Hidden hatred is a toxin that drips, an aching in the head, a pocket full of stones. It's quite possible that I'm screaming at me.

 

 

"She told me not to step on the cracks
I told her not to fuss and relax
pretty little face stopped me in my tracks
but now she sleeps with one eye open
that's the price she'll pay

 

I took a knife and cut out her eye
I took it home and watched it wither and die
well, she's lucky that I didn't slip her a smile
that's why she sleeps with one eye open
that's the price she'll pay

 

I said, hey, girl with one eye
get your filthy fingers out of my pie
I said, hey, girl with one eye
I'll cut your little heart out 'cause you made me cry ..."

 

 

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- music and lyrics by Florence + The Machine, Girl with One Eye, Lungs (2009)

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In love with this book of poetry by Beau Taplin. His words are simple, but meaningful, much like his philosophy on life. There's hardly any lyricism, but all of the impact that a searching soul needs.

I love reading it outdoors, where I'm reminded of the simple beauty of mother nature, my own trembling mind, and always love itself. Here are some excerpts that spoke to me deeply:

 

"The Best Revenge"

"Truth is, the best revenge is seeking none at all and investing that energy in your own health and progress, prioritizing personal goals you've been neglecting, and working toward creating a passionate, prosperous, and fulfilling future of your own."

 

"The Riot"

"I cannot be still for long. There is a riot in me all the time.  A needy, restless voice in my heart endlessly urging me onward. I ache for new experiences and my hunger for adventure is boundless. My entire is a perpetual loop of longing for something else."

 

"A Muse and a Friend"

"I have found a life for me in you, I know it. Someones I could fight for and fall with, who could move me to soar further than I ever would on my own wings. I see a lover, an accomplice, a muse, and a friend. Someone I could create something meaningful in the world with."

 

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this week's words

 

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Once, I thought I understood the meaning of love.

Then... I thought I'd never feel it again.

And then... love became less of a feeling, and more of a lesson. And now I won't have it any other way. I can be happy only if I feel a little bit lonely in love, because it has taught me to embrace my own heart, my own silence, my soul. The person I'm alone with at the end of each day.

This gentle song covered by Yoke Lore, originally by Savage Garden, embodies how I feel now. Truly, madly, deeply. But no longer possessed by a simple, external obsession with someone else. For when I think of love, my mind's eye is overcome with whimsical visions of beautiful, green places and strong winds. Blue lakes. Dusty roads. Pink skies fading to black. Places I've been, and the someone I've been there with, but most importantly, the other person who took shape in these moments. I see her when I look in the mirror, when I close my eyes. I adore her, too. And for that, I owe the love for another that I'm currently holding in my heart.

 

"I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong, I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on a new beginning
a reason for living, a deeper meaning

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
until the sky falls down on me...

and when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky
I'll make a wish send it to heaven and make me want to cry
the tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty
that we're surrounded by the comfort and protection
of the highest power in lonely hours
the tears devour you...

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
until the sky falls down on me..."

 

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- music and lyrics by Savage Garden, Truly Madly Deeply, Savage Garden (1997)

- music and lyrics by Savage Garden, Truly Madly Deeply, Savage Garden (1997)

- music and lyrics by Savage Garden, Truly Madly Deeply, Savage Garden (1997)

this week's words

 

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I think I discovered this sweet book of poems on self-love & healing by April Green at a perfect time in my life. Then again, the perfect time to invest in your own happiness is every moment of every day. It's all the small moments spent smiling to yourself that add up to a good life.

Here's a current favorite thought from this lovely poetess:

 

"When you make a conscious choice to be happy, no-one can take it away from you because no-one gave it to you. You gave it to yourself."

 

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- April Green, "Bloom for Yourself", (2017)